MUSTANG, NEPAL – Mendok Gurung, 19, says a group of men kidnapped her six years ago from a family wedding. But her abductors weren’t interested in a ransom or trafficking her. Instead, they took Gurung because a man from the village twice her age wanted to marry her.
In Mustang, a district in Nepal’s Western region that borders Tibet, the tradition of kidnapping women for marriage still prevails in the villages of one indigneous group.
Gurung, from Khinga village in Mustang, says that she cried and begged for help as the men took her, but no one came to her rescue. She says that they took her to the house of the “mukhiya,” the leader of the village. Pointing at her husband, who sits beside her, Gurung says he locked her in the house for days.
“I was locked for three days in the mukhiya’s house and pressurized to marry him,” Gurung says.
She says they threatened her and tricked her family.
“They threatened me that they’ll kill my family if I don’t agree to marry,” she says. “When people from my house came to ask me what I wanted, they didn’t let me see them. [Someone told me] they replaced me with another woman, covered her face and made her nod her head in approval of marriage.”
She says that if she hadn’t agreed to the marriage, there would have been a tussle between the people of their communities, which she didn’t want. She also says that she had to get married to someone someday, so she agreed to stay with the man who “stole” her.
“I didn’t have any choice after I couldn’t revolt in those three days,” she says. “Because of our tradition, I stayed with him.”
Gurung’s husband, Norbu Gurung, 40, says that this tradition is still strong in the Nepali-Tibetan border areas as well as in places around Muktinath and Kagbeni in Nepal’s Western region. He acknowledges that the tradition doesn’t respect women’s wishes or rights, but he says that it brings honor to the men.
“Even if men and women like each other, there’s this tradition of ‘stealing’ the girl and eloping,” he says. “When you steal a girl, it is more reputed. But sometimes, when the girl isn’t ready, there could be a big fight between the two families.”
In an indigenous group spread across villages in Mustang, a tradition still exists where men kidnap women in order to marry them. Some say this custom violates women’s rights. Forced marriage is illegal in Nepal, but many say that more legislation and education is needed to strengthen women’s voices in deciding whom they marry.
Nepal has one of the highest early and forced marriage prevalence rates in the world, according to a 2011 report by Plan, a global children’s charity. The average age of first marriage in Nepal is below 18.
Iman Singh Gurung, a sociologist, says that the tradition of kidnapping brides in Mustang dates back to before Nepal annexed the former kingdom at the end of the 18th century. The tradition is prevalent in the village development committees across central Mustang, such as Kagbeni, Muktinath, Jhong and Chhusang.
Lalbahadir Pun, a senior researcher on this topic, says this area is called “Barha Gaule.” Barha means 12, and gaule meaning villagers in Nepali, as the area originally comprised 12 villages. There are now nearly 20 villages here, but the original name has stuck.
Rajkumar Lekhi, chairman of the Nepal Federation of Indigenous Nationalities, an autonomous and nonpartisan umbrella organization of indigenous people, says that the 12 villages make up one of the nearly 60 indigenous groups listed by the Nepali government. He says they have unique marriage customs.
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